You will enjoy this book: Birthing Normally After a Cesarean (or Two) http://www.amazon.com/Birthing-Normally-Cesarean-American-Better/dp/1906619204/

Words cannot express the heartbreak I feel for you. My son, born almost 8 yrs ago, was also posterior, and I have an anterior lip. My labor story was very similar, only a lot shorter. I also had feelings of failure, anger, and distrust. Twelve months later, I was informed of my option for a VBAC, but I’d have to go to a hospital that allowed it, and that would have been 2 to 3 hours away. So, I consented to a second cesarean, not realizing that that sealed my fate. Hence a 3rd and a 4th repeat c-sections!

My husband and I didn’t want to stop having children, and we never entertained the thought of stopping, but we really started questioning my birthing options, or really, lack there of. Was this really how I was supposed to have babies???

Then we moved to Idaho, and shortly afterwards, I became pregnant with our 5th child. I thought my prayers for a natural birth were answered when we found a local midwife, but much to my disappoint the state legislature had just passed a restriction on VBAC after one cesarean. My hopes were dashed! I cried, prayed, called out to God in my anguish. My faith never failed me, and I always felt a peace deep within, but as my 40 weeks drew closer, I couldn’t help getting anxious. I emailed a ton of midwives, locally and as far away as Florida. I thought I was going to have to relinquish my dream, but the Lord answered my prayer! He connected me with a “lay midwife” in Washington.

Ten days after my due date, I went into labor. Thirty-six hours later, I gave birth to a beautiful, 10 lb. baby boy without drugs and without being in a hospital. Home Birth After 4 Cesareans! Who thought it possible?

As of this writing, I will be having another homebirth in 9-11 weeks. 2HBA4C. Lord willing, it will be a smooth and quicker delivery.

I write all this to hopefully give you (and the readers) some encouragement. All is not lost. The feelings you have are not abnormal, but are actually found quite frequently among those who have unexpected, or should I say, unnecessary cesareans. I hope you will be able to regain confidence in your body, and that you will not give up hope for a VBAC. Also, please do not discount the possibility of a home birth. Talk to the midwives and their previous patients. Find out all the information you can. Above all, pray for guidance and wisdom.

May your next birth be the birth of YOUR choice.

And I know it’s very soon after the birth, but if you decide to have another baby, just remember that it’s YOUR decision whether or not you want to try a VBAC–not your husband’s or your family’s. Do what you feel is best for you and your baby.

I’m glad that your little girl is happy and healthy. And don’t ever beat yourself up or feeling guilty about how she came into the world. You have every right to feel traumatized–I know I would feel that way if I had your experience. But don’t blame yourself! Big hugs to you!

Fast forward 5 years, I’m pregnant with my second. I really want to have a normal delivery. I had a friend that gave me the tools needed to do my own research about birth and breastfeeding etc, so I researched and researched and researched – this included actually reading my records from the birth of my first. I found out I technically had an elective c-section. I was really really angry for a bit but not bitter – I learned from this experience and vowed that this labor and birth would be different. I had to tell myself my entire pregnancy that I trusted my body and trusted I could do this. I did this for months and by the time I went into labor, I had the correct mindset I wanted. My labor start to finish was 12 hours – that includes pushing as well. Throughout my pregnancy drs were worried about a big baby since my first was big – even if my baby was 13 pounds, I’d be pushing him out! I trusted my body. So, I was in labor and TWO OB’s came in to tell me my ‘risks’ (10% shoulder dystocia because he was “almost 11 pounds.” He wasn’t – the growth ultrasound I had the day before, said he was 9 pounds 4 oz..so I knew THAT was a lie, plus I carried a nearly 12 pound child, I knew what it felt like. I’m fat, therefore that’s a risk somehow because my vagina is smaller than skinnier people apparently…It isn’t. I have a relatively normal sized vagina, no bigger, no smaller than normal weight people. And of course, uterine rupture – less than 1%. People without c-sections have a risk less than 1% of uterine rupture too…) After failing to convince me of a c-section, I got my room. After refusing an IV at first, but eventually getting it – they wouldn’t let me out of bed because my baby’s heartrate was dropping with every contraction..finally, I got some nubain to let me rest between contractions (which were 2-3 minutes apart the WHOLE TIME! No back labor thank god, which I had with my first – no rest, which you know.) but at least I could rest. Then, I consented to an internal fetal monitor (something I did not want!) so I could get out of bed. I then got an epidural, but I could FEEL! I could feel the contractions and my legs, but it wasn’t as bad. An hour after epidural, i was ready to push, I pushed in the best position it could and he was out pretty quickly…the doctor almost didn’t catch him! lol! Also, my baby that was “big” came out at 9lbs 4 oz, and I didn’t tear at all.

If you want to know the near details of my first labor – watch the business of being born – the example of pitocin birth that they give – almost EXACTLY how it went…it was scary when I watched that.

just know that your wounds will heal. Recovery from a c-section is a big mess – t took me a good 3 months to feel a semblance of normal. The pain will go away! The scar will always be there, but look at it as a piece of artwork that led to your baby girl. I’m glad I had the experience of a c-section and then a VBAC. The feeling that comes after giving birth the way God intended…I couldn’t even cut the cord I just felt awesome! My son was born with Chorioamnitis and was in the NICU for a week, but is a happy healthy 7 month old – and breastfeeding!

You’re only a few weeks out, in a year or two, you may feel completely different than you do now, and just know that a VBAC is TOTALLY possible and TOTALLY worth it and your pregnancies and labors will be as different as your children will be! Heal well and congrats on your little one.

But, I want more children. At least one, and the research to plan a VBA2C helps me focus and enjoy my baby.

You are not alone, and you are not broken.