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Kandie’s CBAC Story

My Birth Story 2010

After the birth of my daughter in 2004 did not turn out at all had I had naively thought it would, I was determined to have a different outcome when I became pregnant again five years later. Not wanting to repeat the same mistakes the second time around, I armed myself with all the information I could get my hands on and read everything I could find about VBAC and natural birthing methods. For the first time in my life, I truly became aware of what was happening in my body. Never before had I felt so connected to my body and my unborn baby. Wanting to put all the odds in my favor I hired a midwife that would see me throughout my pregnancy and be there as a doula during my birthing time (labor). My midwife was wonderful and helped me connect to my pregnancy and unborn child more than I ever thought possible.  I also took a HypnoBabies class with my husband and found that extremely helpful, informative and comforting. I would religiously listen to my hypno tracks every night, and wake up confident that I was going to get the birth I wanted this time.

When the pregnancy was new, I had a determination that I would have a natural vaginal birth come hell or high water! However, as it progressed I realized that there are some things that are out of my hands. All anyone can do is prepare for what they want as much as they can, and accept what the universe has in store for them. I would have talks with my son in utero and explain to him how I wanted him to come into the world. I tried to paint a beautiful picture so he would know what to expect and choose to want that for his reality. As my pregnancy neared the end, I became aware that I was not going to get the birth I had always wanted and had been dreaming of for so long. My son had chosen to be born by cesarean. I was not as devastated this time around as was the case with my first, nor did I feel the same sense of failure in my body. This time I had time to process the information and deal with my disappointment prior to the birth of a child, instead of after. Big difference!

As I prepared for my second c-section I channeled my determination for a natural birth, into a c-section with respect. I realized that that was the thing that was missing most in my first birth. I felt violated and completely out of control. This time I had time to remember what I hated most about my first birth and created a C-section Birth Wishes. I didn’t schedule my c-section, but rather let my son choose his birthday. Friday night, four days before my due date, my waves started. We waited at home until early Saturday morning when it was clear that these were not practice waves, but the real deal. By 4:30 in the morning we were on our way to the hospital. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about having surgery again. I was so thankful for the HypnoBabies techniques that I learned during my pregnancy! They helped me stay so calm and focused through the couple hours spent waiting for an operating room to open up. I was still holding out a tiny bit of hope for a vaginal birth at this point, however once I was there for a couple hours and they checked me I was barely 1 centimeter and my son had not dropped at all I came to terms with the reality of the situation.

Once in the operating room, I was determined to not freak out like I did with my daughter. I continued to listen to my iPod and relax. They had a difficult time getting the spinal into the right spot and once they got it in Gavin’s heart rate dropped dangerously low. By the time my husband was coming into the operating room, there were NICU nurses running in after him in preparation for a problem. I was aware of the urgency, but not aware of how serious it was. They got my little guy out very quickly, and on his way out he swallowed/inhaled some meconium. The NICU nurses spent some time suctioning out his nose and lungs and determined that they should keep him to observe him since he was having difficulty breathing. Thankfully, the nurse brought him down to me so I could see him, touch him, snuggle and smell him before they took my perfect little boy away. Those few precious moments with my son kept me going until I could hold him again.

After the c-section, I was sent to a recovery room for about an hour. When they had a room ready for me I was transferred to the postpartum ward, but not before a stop at the NICU to see my beautiful son! I will never forget the way he looked so big and content in that incubator. It killed me to not be able to hold him, but I was very thankful to be able to see and touch him.  I spent the rest of the day in my room recovering and regaining my strength. Almost twelve hours after his birth, they brought my son to me. Oh the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time is something I will never forget! I held him for the better part of the night and just stared at the newest love of my life. Thinking back on his birth I feel content. Was it the birth I had always dreamed of? No. However I do feel it was one on our terms, and I’m ok with that!